Dark Humor and Coping Mechanisms!

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Dark Humor and Coping Mechanisms Micheal Kline “Reality Check” Audio player below So most of you out there love a good laugh. It makes us feel good. We can forget our troubles for the moment. Have you ever wondered if humor can go too far? What happens when humor crosses over into a darker area? … Continue reading Dark Humor and Coping Mechanisms!

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Geezer Truths

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1. Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong. 

3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger. 

4. There is a great need for a sarcasm font. 

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet? 

6. Was learning cursive really necessary? 

7. Map Quest or Google Maps really need to start their directions on # 5.  I’m  pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood. 

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died. 

9. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired. 

10. Bad decisions make good stories. 

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day. 

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blu-Ray?  I don’t want to have to restart my collection… again. 

13. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to. 

14. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call. 

15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well. 

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers.  I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Light than Kay. 

17. I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option. 

18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger. 

19. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said? 

20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front.  Stay strong, brothers and sisters! 

21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever. 

22. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time, while half asleep. 

23. The first testicular guard, the “Cup,” was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important. (Ladies .. Quit Laughing! )

It just gets better as you get older, doesn’t it? 

I was in a Starbucks Coffee recently when my stomach started rumbling and I realized that I desperately needed to fart.  The place was packed, but the music was really loud so to get relief and reduce embarrassment I timed my farts to the beat of the music.  After a couple of songs I started to feel much better.  I finished my coffee and noticed that everyone was staring at me.  I  suddenly remembered that I was listening to my IPod (with ear piece) – and how was your day? 

(This is what happens when old people start using technology!)

 I Would Like To Add One.

At What Point-In-Life Do We Become “OLD PEOPLE” ? It seems like I’ve been “Middle Aged” most of my life!


Some Good Ones

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–A doctor that had been seeing an 80-year-old woman for most of her life finally retired.  At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring a list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her.  As the doctor was looking through these his eyes grew wide as he realized Grandma had a prescription for birth control pills.  “Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are birth control pills?”  “Yes, they help me sleep at night.”  “Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely nothing in these that could possibly help you sleep!”  She reached out and patted the young doctor’s knee and said, “Yes, dear, I know that.  But every morning, I grind one up and mix it in the glass of orange juice that my 16-year-old Granddaughter drinks.  And believe me it definitely helps me sleep at night.”  You gotta love Grandmas!

— A man was riding on a full bus minding his own business when the gorgeous woman next to him started to breast-feed her baby.  The baby wouldn’t take it so she said, “Come on sweetie, eat it all up or I’ll have to give it to this nice man next to us.”  Five minutes later the baby was still not feeding, so she said, “Come on, honey.  Take it or I’ll give it to this nice man here.”  A few minutes later the anxious man blurted out, “Come on kid.  Make up your mind!  I was supposed to get off four stops ago!”

Slow Food

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‘Someone asked the other day:

‘What was your favorite fast food when you were growing up?’
‘We didn’t have fast food when I was growing up,
I informed him. ‘All the food was slow.’

‘C’mon, seriously. Where did you eat?’

‘It was a place called ‘at Home,” I explained!

‘Mom cooked every day and when Dad got home from work, we sat down together at the dining room table, and if I didn’t like what she put on my plate I was allowed to sit there until I did like it.’

By this time, the kid was laughing so hard I was afraid he was going to suffer serious internal damage, so I didn’t tell him the part about how I had to have permission to leave the table.

But here are some other things I would have told him about my childhood if I figured his system could have handled it :

Some parents NEVER owned their own house, never wore Levis, never set foot on a golf course, never traveled out of the country or had a credit card.


In their later years they had something called a revolving charge card. The card was good only at Sears Roebuck. Or maybe it was Sears & Roebuck.
Either way, there is no Roebuck anymore. Maybe he died.

My parents never drove me to soccer practice. This was mostly because we never had heard of soccer.

I had a bicycle that weighed probably 50 pounds, and only had one speed, (slow).

We didn’t have a television in our house until I was 11. It was, of course, black and white, and the station went off the air at midnight, after playing the national anthem and a poem about God; it came back on the air at about 6 a.m. And there was usually a locally produced news and farm show on, featuring local people.

I was 19 before I tasted my first pizza, it was called ‘pizza pie.’ When I bit into it, I burned the roof of my mouth and the cheese slid off, swung down, plastered itself against my chin and burned that, too. It’s still the best pizza I ever had.

I never had a telephone in my room. The only phone in the house was in the living room and it was on a party line. Before you could dial, you had to listen and make sure some people you didn’t know weren’t already using the line.

Pizzas were not delivered to our home. But milk was.

All newspapers were delivered by boys and all boys delivered newspapers. My
brother delivered a newspaper, six days a week. It cost 7 cents a paper, of which he got to keep 2 cents. He had to get up at 6 AM every morning.

On Saturday, he had to collect the 42 cents from his customers. His favorite customers were the ones who gave him 50 cents and told him to keep the change.
His least favorite customers were the ones who seemed to never be home on collection day.

Movie stars kissed with their mouths shut. At least, they did in the movies. There were no movie ratings because all movies were responsibly produced for
everyone to enjoy viewing, without profanity or violence or most anything offensive.

If you grew up in a generation before there was fast food, you may want to share some of these memories with your children or grandchildren. Just don’t blame me if they bust a gut laughing.

Growing up isn’t what it used to be, is it?

Grandpa Gets an iPad

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Watch the following short clip that takes less than a minute. In fact it’s 32 secs.

A daughter is visiting her father and is helping in the kitchen.

She asks: ” Tell me dad, how are you managing with the new iPad we gave you for your birthday?”

This clip is spoken in German but it’s totally understandable in any language.

How did we ever survive?

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My mom used to cut chicken, chop eggs and spread butter on bread on the same cutting board with the same knife and no bleach, but we didn’t seem to get food poisoning..  

Our school sandwiches were wrapped in wax paper  in a brown paper bag, not in ice pack coolers, but I can’t remember  getting e. Coli Almost all of us would have rather gone swimming in the  lake  or at the beach instead of a  pristine pool (talk about boring), no beach closures then.

We all took PE ….. And risked permanent injury with a pair of Dunlop sand shoes instead of having cross-training athletic shoes with air  cushion soles and built in light reflectors that cost as much as a small  car. I can’t recall any injuries but they must have happened because they tell us how much safer we are now.

We got the cane for doing something wrong at school, they used to call it discipline yet we all grew up to accept the rules and to honor & respect those older than us. We had 50 kids in our class and we all learned to read and write, do math and spell almost all the words needed to write a grammatically correct letter……., FUNNY THAT!!

We all said prayers in school irrespective of our religion, sang the national anthem and no one got upset.

Staying in detention after school caught all sorts of negative attention we wish we hadn’t got.

I thought that I was supposed to accomplish something before I was allowed to be proud of myself. I just can’t recall how bored we were without computers, Play Station, Nintendo, X-box or 270 digital TV cable stations. We weren’t!!

Oh yeah … And where was the antibiotics and sterilization kit when I got that bee sting? I could have been killed!

We played “King of the Hill” on piles of gravel left on vacant building sites and when we got hurt, mum pulled out the 2/6p bottle of iodine and then we got our backside spanked. Now it’s a trip to the emergency room, followed by a 10 day dose of antibiotics and then mum calls the lawyer to sue the contractor for leaving a horribly vicious pile of gravel where it was such a threat.

To top it off, not a single person I knew had ever been told that they were from a dysfunctional family. How could we possibly have known that?

We never needed to get into group therapy and/or anger management classes. We were obviously so duped by so many societal ills, that we didn’t even notice that the entire country wasn’t taking Prozac!

How did we ever survive?  

Humor, off grid

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Living off grid, much of our entertainment is self generated, in other words, we crack ourselves up 🙂 A couple of days ago, this conversation could be heard at the SkyCastle

PB: What is the stuff they make down pillows and blankets from?
Me:… uhhh, down?
PB: No, the material?
Me: Ohhh, I think it’s called ticking…
PB: Yes, I need some clothes made from ticking…
Me: Hahaha, your clothes are ticking…
PB:… but then I couldn’t fly on an airplane…
LOLOLOLOLOLOL

Guess you had to have been there… 🙂

So today I did a search for “off grid hacks” on YouTube, this video was in the first few that showed up, it’s quite amusing as well as informative. It’s “10 things we wished we had known before going off grid”, they are quite cute with their deadpan faces explaining what some might think of as obvious, though honestly I think these would be “mistakes” many of us would make. My short list of “what I wish we had done differently” will be listed below the video, below…
https://youtu.be/-9JF7Zifc-M

I agree about carrying water is the worst, maybe not the complete worst, not having water would be worse, it’s what we did the first few months (carrying water) so I can completely understand where they are coming from. Another thing I wish we had known before is how we were going to ultimately use the space inside the SkyCastle. Of course when we first started, we had one room, 16’X16′, it was our everything room, we made the best of the space we had, but I would have liked to better plan the layout instead of it growing so organically.

I wish we could have planned on the storage of our future building materials, we got things here and there, mostly things people were throwing away, over the years it has grown like a weed, we have stacks of this and that here and there, it could be neater.

I also wish we could have planned on the out buildings better, things that were suppose to be temporary end up being more permanent that first planned, this is mentioned in the video about temporary things becoming permanent, that is so true, so don’t build something in a place where you might wish it wasn’t…

I think of the things we brought with us when we first moved out here, we tried to anticipate what things we might not be able to get out here, it’s funny to look back on that, what goes through my mind is “what were we thinking?”, things like empty jars and bottles (with lids), plastic grocery bags, yes grocery bags, we weren’t planning on buying much from the store and figured we could use those extra bags for other things…

Well, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it 🙂 I certainly don’t regret anything about our life, we have settled into a comfortable routine, living off grid is natural to me, normal, I love it.

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How To Keep House Like A Mennonite

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Hello, my friend, it’s so wonderful to have you here. Have you ever noticed the trend to idealize all of the Plain folk – that is, the Mennonites, Amish and all associated with them? Admit it, you’ve probably done it (at least a little). Am I right? You know how it goes. If a recipe […]

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